NILMDTS and the NICU

It finally happened today. I got a call from a nurse at a nearby hospital. They had a 36-week baby that had died, and the parents wanted some photos to remember him/her by. I knew that the call would come someday, but really didn't want to get it at all.

About a month ago, I signed up to be a photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a national organization of professional photographers who donate sessions to bereaved families. Many families who lose a baby either before or shortly after birth don't have any photos to remember their child by, and NILMDTS is trying to fix that. The group was started by a mother and a photographer who lost her own child. She realized that it was quite comforting to have some nice photographs of her child, who entered and exited this world too quickly. Affiliated photographers offer a photo session, a slideshow and a set of prints - at no cost to the family.

I have lost two babies myself. One was the first-born of my triplets. Nicholas was born February 21, 1999 weighing only 1lb 7oz. He was 15 weeks early. He held on for 11 days, but never recovered from surgery to repair his digestive system. I have very few pictures of him - a couple of polaroids taken before he got sick, and a few shots taken by the nurses after he had passed. They did the best they could, but they aren't photographers. I find it very difficult to look at those photos. I know that if I had had someone there to capture our moments with him, I would cherish those photos.

The second baby was at 17 weeks gestation. We found out at a routine appointment that he had died at 14 weeks. I never got to see him or hold him, but I do know that he was a chromosonally normal little boy.

Sometimes it hits too close to home. The world of children's photographers is pretty tight-knit, and most of us know or know of one another. One photographer I have had the pleasure of "knowing" through an on-line photography community is Blair Blanks. She was expecting a son, after a 3-year ordeal with infertility treatment and pregnancy. She was so excited the morning of his planned c-section birth. Another one of the photographers was going to be there to capture the first moments of his life. They were so excited, discussing all the newborn shots they would get.

Sadly, Blair discovered when she got to the hospital that her baby, James, had died of an umbilical cord accident earlier that morning. Instead of capturing a joyful birth, there were instead photos of a devestating loss. I have seen the slideshow of the morning's events and it cuts so deeply - you can't help the tears, the profound feeling of sadness.

As photographers, we were only able to share our shock, our sadness, and our grief with Blair. Our on-line community was stunned. But we were also touched by the slideshow produced by one of our own. We saw firsthand how much the photographs meant, how much emotion they captured. And I think we all realized how important groups like NILMDTS are.

Many of us donated to help cover the funeral costs. And some of us signed up to be members of NILMDTS. None of us wants to get that call - but we all want to do what we can to help parents who are going through the unthinkable.

In the end, I didn't do the session today. By the time I was able to get back to the nurse who had called me, she had already arranged for another NILMDTS photographer to come by. I was relieved, but also saddened. There is a family out there tonight grieving their loss, a loss no parent should have to endure. I may not be able to help them in their grief, but I can pray for them and ask that they be given comfort and strength at this time. And I will pray as well for my fellow photographer, who has undoubtedly been touched by today's events as well.